Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
