God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
