he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
