Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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