kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
