you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
