she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
