I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
