I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dear god my vagina.
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