Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
