My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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