im drinking this country out of the recession.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
