I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
