Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize