Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
