we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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