Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
