So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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