my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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