Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
