We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize