I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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