Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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