taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
