i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
