This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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