but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
