We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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