Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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