I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
