I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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