Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
