in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
