Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
