Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
