Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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