Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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