i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
