i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
