pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize