we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
