he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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