my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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