shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
