Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
