Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize