Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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