I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
