i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
