My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
