just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
pray to the hookup gods
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dick very happy bro
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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