Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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