My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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