I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
