Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
