I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I understand Curling. That high.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
