I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
