You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
