if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
