I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize