Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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