It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want nice things and good sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
