So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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