my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I smell like Dick and happiness
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
