Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
